One of my favorite speakers “Infinite Waters” covered Shyness the other day, and how you can tell if you or others are shy which I would like to cover here:
Grabbing for your phone:
During small or large social gatherings, you find yourself reaching for your phone. Phones have become a “best friend” of sorts for some people who have a hard time holding a conversation with others.
There are some people who have a very hard time in social situations and their phone helps to fill those awkward moments for them.
One way to recover a part of your shyness is to force yourself to put your phone down, even for 5 minutes, and face the people around you. For some I know this sounds hard, but after a few times of doing this, it does get easier and easier to face other people.
Feeling as though everyone else around you is more confident than you are.
You question whether you are good enough to talk to others around you whether you know them or not and you assume that they are more confident and comfortable with their surroundings than you are. Some people look like they have it all figured out, but the misconception is, most people you look at are feeling just as insecure as you are.
What we forget is, we have no reason to be insecure. You are special even if you view yourself as different from others. Being different can be a good thing, it stems interesting conversations. The more you BELIEVE in yourself and the less you care about what others think, will bring about others who might share the same views as you.
The hardest part is letting go of those you perceive as your friends, however, if they are truly your friends, then they shouldn’t be judging you in the first place.
You feel as if you are not good enough to speak to certain race of people OR that you are better than a certain race of people.
First of all, we should really all learn that there is truly only ONE race of people……. the HUMAN RACE. Sure we all have different backgrounds, the way we were raised, but if you really sit down and speak with anyone else, you might find their perspective on life is very similar to yours, or just very interesting to listen to and adopt into your own life.
Learning to speak with others who look different from what we see in the mirror, will help you to lower your shyness.
If you start a blog, and you just begin writing about your interests, your opinions and ideas, and just overall things that move or motivate you, then you post your titles on different social media sites, you will start seeing traffic and people who are either going to agree with you or those who want to share their point of view.
When this happens, your confidence level does start to grow, even if there is only one a month to start. You really are important, and believing in your own story is key even if it seems to be boring.
Be a content producer AND consumer. Search for your interests and you will begin to meet others like you who enjoy the same things as you do.
You will avoid being judged
Listen, everyone will always have some sort of opinion on everything, whether it is about you or not. The trick is to know that what you think about you is the only thing that matters, even if it only matters to you. You live your life for you, and you let them live their life for them. (The trick is when you learn to love yourself, you will realize that others opinions really do not matter much, and you will keep being you, which will make you a much happier person).
When you begin to love yourself and doing what you tell yourself to do, you then stop living your life for everyone else. Those who truly care for you will be ok with you not always doing what they want you to do.
When you start doing what you want, Please make sure you keep in mind doing right from wrong.
The eyes will tell you exactly what others are thinking, and knowing what others are thinking can be a scary thing. However we go back to learning to love yourself. If you are confident in what you think and believe, then it won’t matter what another persons eyes are telling you. Your eyes are looking back at the with confidence letting them know that you are strong enough to care about yourself.
At that point you will realize that it is easier to convey your thoughts and ideas.
To begin being able to make this easier for you is to force yourself to at least get out one sentence while looking at the other persons eyebrow taking small glimpses of their eyes. After about 17 times of doing this it really gets so easy you will be doing it without even thinking about it.
Your body language tells others you are shy
Others will point you out by your body language. If you are hanging out with your hands knotted together, your slouching, your arms are crossed, or you look really rigid it is hard for others to approach you or respond to you because they perceive you to be closed off to them, even subconsciously.
Try this when you are out in public
- Relax your body, even if you have to force yourself too, and no matter what your body type is.
- Do a little dance in public or even at home. People respond to happiness, even if YOU think you look silly, others will actually look at you like you are free and confident.
- Find ways to be confident in your own skin.
Even if you have a few extra pounds on you, or you cannot tan like others can, it doesn’t matter. Life really isn’t about trying to be like everyone else. There are couples out their that are mismatched or different looking, but it is only because most of those people are truly comfortable in their own skin and don’t care what others think.
(My Favorite video and song……..Sara Barailles – Brave ……See Below)
If you are truly uncomfortable with your own body and need help recovering from that feeling, do little things everyday to help yourself change that mindset. I do guarantee that if you do little things like dancing in public will help you to feel a lot more confident and you will begin to love yourself no matter what you think you look like.
Fearing Man Made Time
Man made time is really an illusion. At a certain time in your life you will find yourself depressed because you are living your life for work, bills, or other people. Listen, a roof over your head is great, with all the little amenities, however maybe there are some bills that you can cut back on in order to do some of the others things that you like?
Take 5 minutes a day to sit outside and enjoy the sunset or sunrise. Take 10 minutes to sit in a bath or a hot tub. Figure out what your passion is and take 15 minutes to write about it in a blog or research it. Maybe your passion is coffee? Maybe take at least 5 to 20 minutes to sit in a coffee shop just to smell the coffee being brewed. Basically, take a little bit of time each week or each day to do something YOU enjoy. You will find that after a while, you are making time for more things that you enjoy and will begin planning more and more.
You have forgotten your own greatness
You suppress your own feelings even around those you care about. This is because you are afraid of being judged by them, and you fear that they will leave you or hate you because of your own thoughts, feelings and opinions.
The truth is, if they are truly worthy of your love, then they will not judge you OR leave you because of what you feel. YOU are important, and if you were important to them, then they will listen to what you have to say. If you want to be cared for then start letting others know what you care about and don’t let them cross YOUR boundaries.
Just like you won’t cross the boundaries of those you care about.
After this video are more tips to recovering from shyness.
Ways to recover from shyness and gain more confidence.
- Stop suppressing your feelings
- Change your frequency – find a motivational song or many and listen when you wake up, at about lunch time, before bed, and any time that you need a small boost. (Like before a meeting or social event)
- Put away your phone during social situations unless your taking photos.
- Smile with eye contact at strangers.
- Keep your chin up while walking
- Take a small risk each day
- Take a larger risk once a week.
- For more tips, stay updated with this website.