Moments in a Fog
Since I have begun the self help journey, life has become a lot better for me. But there are moments where it hits me that I am still not completely fixed.
I still have a long road ahead, and I know that I will clear out the issues. However there are still issues that are holding me back. Growing up I was raised by a very abusive man, and a mother who was much more doting on her son than on me. I was a rag doll who didn’t know how to make my own friends, keep them and maintain them.
basically, I am sitting in my home right now, about ready to leave to go enjoy 4th of July fireworks with only just my son and I. No friends invited me to go, and of course I have not called any of my friends to go with me, or if we could tag along with them.
This man who beat me up, always told me that I should never involve myself with other people’s business and stuff… and so here I am, friendless on one of my favorite holidays.
Laziness vs. Awkwardness
I want to go out and do things, but the only ones that really inspire me to be able to leave my house are my children or any one of my brothers. Some days I feel as if I am better off alone, until the total feeling of loneliness sets in.
I am not the typical girly girl mom. I love football, racing, hiking, camping, and rowdy loud bbq’s. I also love going out painting at those paint and wine places, watch romantic comedies, and love all things puppy. I can bbq and really good at it, I can fix things, and change the oil in my own car.
I am uninspired though. I am uninspired to go new things because I have no one to do things with. I don’t have a female bestie like me that wants to do things with me. I don’t have a male bestie to do things with or inspire me to do anything other than nothing.
This is what I need fixed, and I don’t know how to fix it.
Please don’t take this wrong
I understand that I have this issue, and this sad hurtful feeling I have right now will go away and I will move on to be my normal happy self. The point of all this is so people understand, that even when you are working on creating a better life, there will be moments where you need to recognize your feelings.
Write down what you are feeling in the moment, take that feeling, and find out how to clear it. This block of mine will go away, and I will make some great friends who will inspire me to do what it is that I want to do.