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Inspiration Is Found Through Loving Who You Are

Learning to Truly Listen to My Intuition

My dreams are always coming true, only this time, I didn’t get the meaning of the message until 2 days after the situation happened. A little over a week ago I began dreaming for 3 nights in a row, of my common law ex.  Nothing really important, just of him in general.  The major component of the end of this relationship was that after 7 years together, I left him because of him lying about his cheating on me. I left 2 or 3 days shy of our anniversary.  (This was in February 2010)

The New Relationship

I met and began dating this guy on February 9th of this year.  Then about 6 weeks later decided to become his girlfriend.  I never once lied to him or even held back ANY truths. For months, it seemed like everything was going well.  A situation or feeling would come up and we would discuss it.  Everything from fears to just general concerns. Then my daughter and I both caught him in a lie (somewhere between August 21st and 31st.)  We were sitting in the living room, playing with my grand-daughter and spending time as a family should. In the very beginning, we met that February 9th, at my friends home.  The next night he had a date with another woman.  No big deal in my book.  Then on Sunday, he contacts me telling me that he really didn’t have much fun the night before, dropped off his date, and went home. That was the same story he told me for 6 1/2 months, even telling my daughter that story during their conversations. When I am only dating someone, I feel that it is everyone’s prerogative to do whatever it is they are going to do, including dating several people. There is no commitment made so cheating is not a thing.  But lying is. The moment that I asked him to be my boyfriend, was the day that I had committed myself to him… however there was a small rule in our relationship that I allowed. You see, I am going through this time in my life, that I am finding out from a lot of woman in my age range is really common, a certain excruciating pain that goes on in the uterus. While it doesn’t always stop me from doing everyday things, the thought of sex and orgasm scare the hell out of me because of how painful it is.  (I am told this should pass in about a year to two years.) The rule was this:  if he felt at any time that he really needed to have release, and masturbating just wasn’t doing the trick, he could sleep with another woman.  HOWEVER, Either I got to choose the woman he slept with or he would tell me about it before hand, AND he was not to ever brag about or throw it in my face.  (in fact, this was a point of discussion on Friday, September 7th during my son’s football game, only at that point I changed the rule from telling me before hand to “I get to choose the woman and watch”. We also discussed his divorce, which I had said to him the following “When it comes to your divorce, I do not care what you do, that is on you, however until the divorce is finalized, I will NOT announce to the world, Facebook or otherwise the fact that we are in a relationship.  (Due to the fact that he was still not divorced from his wife of 12 years that left him in 2017 and slept with his brother) His perception of what I said was that he meant nothing to me… I also told him that over the past 7 months he was getting increasingly negative and angry, which has come out as him hurting me in the middle of the night.  First time was him head butting me in the back of my head because he was fighting someone in his dream.  The second time, be tried strangling me because he was trying to kill his brother in his dreams.  There are more of these stories but I figured these two were enough. And then the night we caught him in the lie… Somehow during our conversations, while he had just come to my house after drinking a few pints over at his favorite bar, it came out that he had actually stayed the night at this other woman’s house (his date the night after we met). He tried to back pedal and say that he was having one of his dreams, and that he actually thought he was sleeping with me instead… Yes, I do understand this a total bullshit.  It doesn’t even matter to me that he slept with her, it was the fact that for 6 1/2 months he lied to me from the very beginning, and then lied to my daughter only the week before catching him. I started this whole blog by telling you of my dreams of my ex, the 7 year relationship.  I have a history of having these dreams that come true ever since I was a little girl.  But these dreams didn’t seem to have any symbols in them that I was able to pin point… Until this morning after the weekend of hell that I just went through… Sunday, September 9th marked the 7th month from the day we met, and the day that according to him, he “nailed 3 women at the same time and it was amazing”.  It wasn’t until Monday, September 10th that I found out he was leaving, when my daughter messaged me, telling me he was packing his belongings and leaving. I  had the forewarning of what was about to happen, but I couldn’t see it.  The writing was literally on the wall and he threw that shit in my face… No, he will never get another chance with me, he is officially blocked from my personal Facebook page, his contact information on my phone has been deleted, and anything that had been left at my house has been donated to one of the local churches donations box.  (Not that is was much, just a shirt, pair of shorts, his hat, and a pair of pants.) I will find a man who is sweet, kind, positive, smart, is drama free, single, does not have nor ever has had violent or dark tendencies, knows the true value and worth of family, and believes in the same realm of spirituality that I do. I know my worth, and I know that just because I am not loud, obnoxious, and a party girl, does not make me an invisible woman.  In fact I am far from invisible, I just happen to live in a different realm that I am proud of. Overall though, I really need to learn more about and continue to listen to my intuition.  It has always tried to tell me the truth, even when I refused to listen, or just didn’t know what it was telling me until it was too late. Thank you for taking the time to read this post, Stay tuned for more stories from my personal life.  Friday night, my girls are taking me out to some night club to get our dance on!!  This should be interesting!

1 comment

  1. TikiMan

    It was fun while it lasted and I really do wish you the best.. I know you are OK and although it may sound cliche, I never meant to lie to you. I did love you and still do in my own way. It’s really nice to see you are back at your work. No drama, no distractions and going down your own road. Like I told you that afternoon, I have to get my life together before me and you could become something. You are an amazing person and we both have to live in the same small town. You seem better off with out me in your life. I got lost in you and that’s my bad for sure. I will always remember you as the one that opened my eyes to so much more about myself and for that I thank you. You truly are an amazing woman, mother and it is my misinformation that I lost you as a friend.

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