The Throw-away – Reasons Why I Hate Things Taken From Me
Today’s deep dive into why I get so upset when my feelings on my own possessions isn’t taken into consideration.
I look at why I get so upset when my things are thrown away, especially when I feel like I have no control over it.
I didn’t feel a lot of joy as a child after meeting Lester. I didn’t get to experience joy and learning of new things like the other children did.
Those experiences were always for others and never for me.
I was always at home, doing chores, cleaning the house, and focusing on my homework. Hiding in my room, or in plain sight.
I never moved when I was on the couch while spending time with “the family” because I wanted to be invisible to Lester.
I was a slave, punished harshly for even the small things that I did wrong. I couldn’t be fallible, everything I did for them had to be done with their precision.
Which is why I have such a hard time now with being judged by others. I have learned not to care, or at least mask my feelings, pushing them all down until I believe they no longer exist.
And that is why I get so upset now when no one else cares about the things I try to bring to the “table”.
I work very hard to make money, just to buy things I feel like the family needs. The fridge that is currently in our garage… I bought because we needed a second fridge since we have an 8 person household.
We had a small mouse that ended up crawling in the bottom of the fridge and died.
I am sure the smell was horrendous, but I didn’t know because I was out working the day that the smell was discovered.
My daughter Steph did call me to ask me what I thought about getting a new fridge and I said no, that if anything, I could come home and fix the situation.
She heard me, but Laurie didn’t care. (For those who do not know, Laurie for all intents and purposes, is the woman I call mother. She, by law of adoption, was my aunt, but is the one who rescued me from the abuse of her brother and continued to raise me until I graduated high school.)
I say Laurie didn’t care, but the fact of the matter is, she doesn’t know, and maybe could never understand what doing things, like buying that fridge, means to me.
She just bought a new one, a new fridge to replace the thing that is not perfect… was never perfect.
I knew that if I could get in there, I could have cleaned out the mouse as well as making sure the smell went away. I was never given that chance.
Steph’s boyfriend did come over before I got home, found the mouse, and cleared it out… The smell was gone by the time I got home, but it was still too late. They decided to buy a new fridge anyway.
Now, something I fought so hard to get for the family is going to be moved out and stored elsewhere. The imperfect thing gets relegated because they do not see the worth in it that I do.
Deep down, I fear that because I am imperfect, I will get thrown away for something that is new.
I see my own worth, and feel like I am pretty amazing, but I am always with me so I can see how much fun I can be… in my own head and heart.
Over the years though, I have let people in so they can see me, and most of them have walked away from me.
Now, it could be said that since I was not able to see my own worth in those days, I had been attracting people that also could not see my worth, which would make sense why they would walk away.
I am always consistently growing as a person and seeing more and more that it is only myself that continues to hold myself back from the greatest version of me that I can be.
I was not put on this planet to fit the mold that others believe I should fit in. In fact, NO ONE on this planet has a specific mold they should be in.
All of you were placed on this earth to follow your own paths. Paths that you can follow, if you allow your head, your heart, your spirit, and your body to all sync up.
This is something I really need to begin doing. In fact, everything lately has been pulling me to this way of thinking. My Spirit cards that I pulled today were that of the Swan and the Starfish.
Stretched out on the beach, the starfish opens fully to the rays of the sun, to the power of potential.
As you look out toward the horizon, do you open to infinite possibility? Spirit is the source of opportunities beyond your wildest imagination and ensures endless possibilities are available.
At this time, Starfish Spirit urges you to stretch past the limits of your everyday perception and comfort zone to dream of bigger things and imagine with even greater hope and faith, for miraculous potential is shining down on you.
Feel it, bask in it, and open yourself to be filled with inspiration. This is a very fortunate sign that Starfish Spirit has come to remind you of your infinite potential.
Protection Message: When cynicism says no, Starfish Spirit says yes, a thousand times over.
- Are you willing to entertain new possibilities?
- Are you limiting your goals in order to be realistic, and cutting yourself off from the power of dreaming big?
- Let go of your rigid beliefs about what is possible for you and let Starfish Spirit inspire you to open your heart and your eyes to what Spirit has available to you
- Now is the time to stretch beyond the familiar and unfurl yourself, for you are meant for more than you are imagining for yourself.
- Spirit wants the best for you and will support you in achieving whatever intentions you hold dear.
With their graceful, long necks, swans are able to reach into the depths.
When Swan Spirit arrives, you are called to take a deep dive, beyond what is easily available on the surface.
You may think you know what is best for you now but take the plunge into the depths of your awareness, for there is knowledge you are not aware of and great treasures to discover.
Deeper understanding awaits you, and a perspective that comes from greater self-knowledge is what you need right now to better understand a situation or relationship.
As you come to know yourself more intimately, so too will you come to better know others, so Swan Spirit asks you to go beyond the surface of what is happening between you and others and resist the temptation to judge by superficial appearances.
Know there is much deeper potential for loving connections, forgiveness, and mutual understanding.
Choose to dive deep, into your Why. Asking the deeper questions of yourself, you are led by the grace of Swan Spirit.
Protection Message: Do not talk yourself into diving deep into something just because you see the potential of things instead of what they really are now.
The necessary work and patience involved may not be the best use of your energy.
Have you seen the potential in someone and think that if you love and support them, they will become the person who knows you love them beyond all others?
Have you stepped into an opportunity that you know feels too good to be true and might not turn out the way you hope?
Now is not a time for selective, limited perception that can lead to misjudgment.
Instead, this is a time for going deep and being honest about what you find as you explore the depths.
Have no fear, for whatever you find below will help you love and understand yourself and others and make better choices.
Can you sense Swan Spirit calling you to dive deep and resurface to choose again?
About the Author:
Heather is a Network Marketing Mentor and Coach, who is also building her own income through her two favorite companies that serve her well.
Melaleuca and ColorStreet
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Reading your stories helps me through my struggles a lot, I mean your an inspiration to me and I feel like I can learn a lot from you.
Thank you! That is what I hope for, that maybe somehow, I can reach others to help them see that their own happiness is what is important.
There is so much love and joy to be felt when you find that you love and care for yourself!